Thursday, March 5, 2009

this isn't living

I am having a hard time writing a new blog. I know I am supposed to write like it matters, and it does, but part of me is tried of writing. Some people have mentioned that they are getting nervous about the 10 week count down, but truth be told it is not going by fast enough for me. I want to stop going to class, writing about it, talking about, preparing for; in short, I just want to go already. When I was a kid I hated the beginning of December because Christmas was still so far away, 25 sleeps! Ghana is even further than that! What exasperates the situation further is that I am constantly forced to think about it. I just want to get out there and do, instead of stay in and talk. For 6 months we have been talking about how life changing it is going to be, how great it will be, yet we are still stuck inside. I feel as if I am a kid stuck in school during recess, or like a race horse held back by the starting gate.
One of my biggest sticking points about life is that you constantly wait/work longer and harder than you enjoy the end result. You have to wait an hour for a 60 second roller coaster, you have to work for 40 years to retire for 20, you have to study for 8 months to go to Ghana for 3-3.5. I know life is about the journey, and you pick more stuff up along the way then you do when you reach your destination, still, I just want to go! I will mention that I think the beyond borders program is set up this way it is for a reason, and I have learned more in the last 8 months that I have in the past 3 years. Still, I am stuck behind this gate for another 10(ish) weeks waiting, every second checking my muscles for atrophy. Just put me on a plain already, I don’t care if I don’t survive because this in and of itself is not living.


  1. thank you, john... i'm getting restless despite not writing about that aspect on the ol' blog... i can't focus in class, my patience is wearing thin. juuuuust goooo!

  2. I agree with you. It seems kind of like I've run out of things to say and its getting more and more difficult with each blog. Well stated and I liked all your comparisons you used - its very applicable I feel.

  3. I feel the exact opposite. When I first discovered where I was going I was so full of excitement and just wanted this term to be done already. However, now I don’t want to leave. Maybe it's because I know that this is it.
    It's kind of like a first date (I know you're a guy but I'm going to use this girly comparison anyways).
    My favorite part of dating is the anticipation before the first date, being excited because it's new and exciting. However, the closer I get to the actual date the more anxiety I have. What if it's not what I expected? Or what if it's perfect and I just want to remember it forever because it could be the last first date?
    Anyways, I just don't want this experience to end! Moreover, unlike you and others in the BB program, I have another 6 credits to go before graduating. How am I going to possibly top this year?! I've made amazing friends, I've been involved in BB, in addition to Union which I have to resign from, and most of my friends, including your guys, will be leaving next year.
    I'm very sentimental, and seeing the end makes me sad.

  4. I'm with you Sabrina! I can't seem to find where the time went and there are so many things left to do and so many things I want to make sure are properly squared away that I am terrified the clock is running out.

  5. Sabrina, I think i am feeling a little bit like you as well though. It is a mix between, let go and do this! and I don't want to lose what i have gained through getting to know you guys. There is def a push pull facotor, just somtimes i feel more one way or the other.